Thursday, February 17, 2011

Methylphenidate Me

I have been having trouble focusing, lately. So much so, that my wife wants me to try taking Ritalin more regularly. I've been using it when I need to focus on something for a long period of time. I take it like I would take aspirin: when I need it.
Apparently, I need it for taking care of the house duties. I'll give it a try and see how things go. Like aspirin, it wears off rather quickly, so I don't have to worry about too many lingering effects, such as sleeplessness.
I'll keep y'all posted.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


I don't know what to write. I said this to myself, and realized that many times, I don't know what to say. My spoken word doesn't always come out. I know what I want to say, but prior to making sound, the words are gang tackled by my lips. No one usually notices, but I do.
Emotions usually make this stumbling more apparent. Getting my point across when I am emotional or excited, can be difficult at the very least. Sometimes my point won't get made. Frustration creeps in, and I either withdrawal or become angry.
Angry at myself, but often comes out directed at others. My family bears most of my anger. I have to apologize and make up with them later. Knowing this about myself has been a struggle.
Denial has not been a good strategy. I need to discuss this issue with my doctor, and come up with other ways to handle this change in my speech. I wonder how many of the brain injured have dealt with this issue in silence. Communication is important, and silence, in this case, is not golden.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Short and not so sweet?

My daughter is short and mostly sweet, except for when she is screaming. I can't believe someone so small could make such a big noise. I think my hearing may have been damaged recently, when I foolishly leaned too close to her and said, "Time for bed." So what do I do? Sometimes I feel like yelling.
I try to be calm and ask her not to yell, that it "makes me sad". Actually, it mostly just makes me mad, and I have a hard time getting her (and me) to calm down. I don't think this is just an issue for someone with a brain injury, but I do find it even harder to make a decision, and I find myself saying or doing things my parents would have.
That wasn't a bad thing, mostly, I just think that's what I do when I can't make a decision of my own. I guess that's what we all do, to some extent. We go into auto pilot given situations we may not be equipped to handle. There's something to be said for taking control of the ship and going on your own, but it sure isn't easy.