The Day Before

Tomorrow I run a 10 kilometer trail race. A step on my half marathon training plan. One device to gauge the efficacy of my training. Races keep the excitement up, and help me focus on consistency. Today is also my eldest daughter's birthday. She is now 15 years old. Happy Birthday, Chloe!

Hiatus over, I think

I haven't written in six months. I guess I got busy. I forgot. I got used to seeing (and promptly closing) my blog home page. I didn't have anything to write about. Whatever the excuse, here I am again. Perhaps I should examine what got me writing today. I suppose guilt has a share. Guilt which became a kind of sadness, which spawned a desire to write something. Anything. Well, I did it. Not much substance at this point. I can say that I have been getting better at using mnemonic devices and association to remember things, especially names. I try to look the other person in the eye when they say their name. I repeat it, and then come up with a rhyme, story or associate their name with another place or thing. Sometimes it can be silly, but I always keep it to myself. Don't want to sound too kooky. My daughters are getting into their school routines, and I am trying to be more efficient about scheduling my time. I get distracted easily. I think this will be all for today. Don't want to push it. Peace out everyone!

Sick Dad

I finally got sick from all the little people I am in contact with. Has to be from them. So much snot in one place, with nowhere to go? Only a matter of time. My little one has it too, so at least I'm not alone. The difference between the four year old and me, is that any temperature deviating even slightly above 98.6 sends me straight to bed. She can run a 102 and be ready to play.
Luckily the wife and eldest daughter aren't sick. I expect that next. When I'm better. I would like if we could all get sick at the same time and get it over with. We would be a sad sight, though.
I'll just drink lots of water, and get better tomorrow, with luck and a little rest.

Where Am I?

Seems I forget to post here quite often, which may lead some of you to say, "Where is Mike?". I'm still here, just busy. I've been taking the methylphenidate, and I do notice I have more focus. I also notice, however, that I get a bit rigid in my focus. I have trouble turning my focus away from an unfinished goal.
This can be a very good thing, but not when there are constant interruptions from a certain four year old. I really have to take a deep breath and relax when I get interrupted. What to do?

Methylphenidate Me

I have been having trouble focusing, lately. So much so, that my wife wants me to try taking Ritalin more regularly. I've been using it when I need to focus on something for a long period of time. I take it like I would take aspirin: when I need it.
Apparently, I need it for taking care of the house duties. I'll give it a try and see how things go. Like aspirin, it wears off rather quickly, so I don't have to worry about too many lingering effects, such as sleeplessness.
I'll keep y'all posted.

Speech

I don't know what to write. I said this to myself, and realized that many times, I don't know what to say. My spoken word doesn't always come out. I know what I want to say, but prior to making sound, the words are gang tackled by my lips. No one usually notices, but I do.
Emotions usually make this stumbling more apparent. Getting my point across when I am emotional or excited, can be difficult at the very least. Sometimes my point won't get made. Frustration creeps in, and I either withdrawal or become angry.
Angry at myself, but often comes out directed at others. My family bears most of my anger. I have to apologize and make up with them later. Knowing this about myself has been a struggle.
Denial has not been a good strategy. I need to discuss this issue with my doctor, and come up with other ways to handle this change in my speech. I wonder how many of the brain injured have dealt with this issue in silence. Communication is important, and silence, in this case, is not golden.

Short and not so sweet?

My daughter is short and mostly sweet, except for when she is screaming. I can't believe someone so small could make such a big noise. I think my hearing may have been damaged recently, when I foolishly leaned too close to her and said, "Time for bed." So what do I do? Sometimes I feel like yelling.
I try to be calm and ask her not to yell, that it "makes me sad". Actually, it mostly just makes me mad, and I have a hard time getting her (and me) to calm down. I don't think this is just an issue for someone with a brain injury, but I do find it even harder to make a decision, and I find myself saying or doing things my parents would have.
That wasn't a bad thing, mostly, I just think that's what I do when I can't make a decision of my own. I guess that's what we all do, to some extent. We go into auto pilot given situations we may not be equipped to handle. There's something to be said for taking control of the ship and going on your own, but it sure isn't easy.